hate list

i hate all things "hip"

hippies and hipsters namely

yesterday the boyfriend and i were leaving his house for work...he to his corporate newspaper gig and me to my italian lunch shift.

upon reaching the car we noticed that there was a large white econoline van parked along side that block us from pulling out. boyfriend said " hey bud, that's me in the red car right there..." hippie looked at him but did not respond. so we get in the car...wait a minute...try to back out...isn't gonna happen.

so, again, boyfriend hops out of car and ask if the man would mind moving his van so that we can back out.

so this fucking "hippie" with his econoline van and his laptop (he was using the local coffee shops free wi-fi) turns and says "you've just got like all this bad energy man"

ok NO. i've fucking had it. and i'm waging war on the faux hippie bullshit culture. fuck you people! you and your fuel guzzling pedophile mobile. you and your fucking DELL. your hit-or-miss attempts at nonconformity just serve to embarrass you...wash your fucking hair. and while you are at it practice some common courtesy...i should now have had to ask twice...in fact you should have replied the first time with "oh hey yeah, no problem man!" because that's what i would have done...learn some manners...

i'll get back to the hipsters

wind section

so last night i made dinner with the boyfriend.

he had requested we go to his house and make mac and cheese and a ton of vegetables...so i went to the nature stop and got pasta and cheese and greens and milk.

he had ment he wanted to make mac and cheese from a box.

so we made gorgonzola and white cheddar shells...used a dash of cayenne and some black pepper.

salad with boston lettuce and a spring mix...tossed in organic romas, yellow peppers, kalamata olives, grated rainbow carrots, and shredded raw beets.

also made breadcrumbs from a stale bread from brioche bakery that i toasted and crushed.

today i had the worst gas i have ever had in my entire life.

now maybe it was the yogurt with buckwheat, walnuts, apricots and prunes i had for breakfast...or maybe it was the raw beet...but for one reason or another i have morphed into a trumpet.

i sound like a dying goose

fucking hippies

ok so just to be clear on my status...i was born to hippie parents and grew up in a double wide trailer in the mountains is humboldt county where we grew about 70% of our own produce and hunted wild game for the freezer. i know how to gut a deer and a fish and a wild turkey. i spent a large part of my childhood naked on the river building sandcastles and jumping off rocks. i have friends who travel through small town america and work at organic farms, they dread their hair, they live in vans and are genuine people.

i think this means i am qualified to make some comments on todays "hippie"

1. just cause you know a guy from mendo who lets you clean reefer does not mean you embody peace and love...this means you are a capitalist participating in a legal and unregulated drug trade...deal with it.

2. if you wear tie-dyed t-shirts but smoke camel filters, again, you are still not a hippie.

3. smelling bad is not essential...in fact it can be said that the way you present yourself is a way of showing respect to the people around you. and if you are simply to lazy to bathe this does not a hippie make

4. ...and to top it off...if you throw a hundred dollar bill at a very tired and overworked waitress with a twisted foot and tell her to get you a mocha (to go) then you are just a dick (...and really you could have given me something smaller...what hippie rolls with a wad of hundies anyway...oh yeah thats right...the guy who knows a guy with a friend from mendo...fucking "cliche flunkie")

on that note...to all you white trash parasites who fully intend to name their children after various types of crab grass just so you can continue to carry out your fucking facade...go fuck yourselves...keep to growing pot in you moms guesthouse and eating at fucking applebees you fucking phonies.

also i am not a hippie and i will have no problem with beating your ass you scuzzy turds

late night hangover

ugh

i got drunk too early...or maybe just early enough. thank you work people for inciting this tequila headache that keeps me up at 3am on a monday morning. thank you work people for getting down with all that cheesy saucy mexican food and beer and margaritas.

thank you superbowl for giving me an extra day off from work

thank you work people for making the trek a whole half block to the karaoke bar so that i might wail an off-key rendition of "old time rock and roll" just as i began belching mexi-tequila goodness.

i fell asleep at 10:30 while waiting for the boyfriend to show up and then missed all his calls and he went home. his messages were really cute..."well...i uh...guess i'll talk to you later...uh..."

highlight was when rachel got her picture taken with gavin newsom...but the camera didn't work so she made him wait while she found one that did.

i could not, for the life of me, figure out why she was posing for a picture with some random frat boy--till i saw the picture and was like "oh it's the mayor."

--oh and by the way baby...he was wearing your same giants hat--

cheers