alive

yes i am.

sorta.

4:40am is not a bedtime.

this is a time when santa comes.

ha.

panocha

i speak three languages, one properly and two quite badly.

in fact, you could say i only speak one language.

the other two i mime and punctuate with dirty words and hand gestures.

there is one word ive embraced lately and that word is "panocha"

it means pussy in spanish slang

the reason is has become so pervasive in my lexicon is that i work with a lot of fungi

predominately porcini mushrooms and truffle oil.

todays appetizer smelled like underwear, clean and fresh at first

then, as the day wore on, it became increasingly pungent and heavy

combine that with an anchovy pizza and you've got the equivalent of a private room at the o'farrell theater dancing in you nostrils.

i wanna work at jamba juice

.

plated

so the other day i had a table of regulars who come in about twice a week for my super awesome roman style pizza at my slow food day job.

have you ever seen that bone china that is slanted and you can't quite tell is its a diamond shape or and fucked up square? well those are the plates i have at work.

these particular plates are rather difficult to get onto a square table unless you know how to line them up just right.

so i managed to get four plates and two round pizzas on one table and my regulars were impressed.

i responded to their compliments by commenting that "my attention to symmetry is unparalleled"

hahahahahahahahahaha

no one appreciates puns anymore

a broad

so i have manage to finagle my way into a trip to scotland with my boyfriends family

technically i was invited by his father.

i have never spent a pound in my life and am quite looking forward to it.

i've got all my shifts covered and have worked extra for the last few weeks to cover myself.

i dropped a grand on a ticket this morning.

after a long day at work i stopped by the bar across the street for a shot and a beer.

the guy from the local beer distributor was drinking there and bought me my shot of jameson

the the bartender asked me to call the card on the PBR cap.

i said 7 of clubs...i was right...i got a free beer.

in terms of being an over-qualified waitress...it's been a good day.

oi.

i have a new box

its a bigger box with a kitchen...

something that my previous box lacked--it also has a living room.

i fucking love it.

its $1200 a month...its not cheap...

but when people ask me if it's cheaper than my old place i respond

"you know how at the grocery store you can look at the shelf and it tells you the price of the item...and then it tells you the price per ounce?

well...its a better price per ounce."

hate list

i hate all things "hip"

hippies and hipsters namely

yesterday the boyfriend and i were leaving his house for work...he to his corporate newspaper gig and me to my italian lunch shift.

upon reaching the car we noticed that there was a large white econoline van parked along side that block us from pulling out. boyfriend said " hey bud, that's me in the red car right there..." hippie looked at him but did not respond. so we get in the car...wait a minute...try to back out...isn't gonna happen.

so, again, boyfriend hops out of car and ask if the man would mind moving his van so that we can back out.

so this fucking "hippie" with his econoline van and his laptop (he was using the local coffee shops free wi-fi) turns and says "you've just got like all this bad energy man"

ok NO. i've fucking had it. and i'm waging war on the faux hippie bullshit culture. fuck you people! you and your fuel guzzling pedophile mobile. you and your fucking DELL. your hit-or-miss attempts at nonconformity just serve to embarrass you...wash your fucking hair. and while you are at it practice some common courtesy...i should now have had to ask twice...in fact you should have replied the first time with "oh hey yeah, no problem man!" because that's what i would have done...learn some manners...

i'll get back to the hipsters

wind section

so last night i made dinner with the boyfriend.

he had requested we go to his house and make mac and cheese and a ton of vegetables...so i went to the nature stop and got pasta and cheese and greens and milk.

he had ment he wanted to make mac and cheese from a box.

so we made gorgonzola and white cheddar shells...used a dash of cayenne and some black pepper.

salad with boston lettuce and a spring mix...tossed in organic romas, yellow peppers, kalamata olives, grated rainbow carrots, and shredded raw beets.

also made breadcrumbs from a stale bread from brioche bakery that i toasted and crushed.

today i had the worst gas i have ever had in my entire life.

now maybe it was the yogurt with buckwheat, walnuts, apricots and prunes i had for breakfast...or maybe it was the raw beet...but for one reason or another i have morphed into a trumpet.

i sound like a dying goose