1. if you stiff the waitress you will get chlamydia and die.
2. no, that does not come with chicken. chicken is gross. what? were you born in a barn? obviously not because if you were you would know that chicken is disgusting.
3. yes there is salt in that. there is salt in everything. it's a fucking restaurant. if you want to eat bland shit then go home, cook for yourself, manage your own bloated ass and leave me in peace.
4. you want the filet mignon well done? you are a god damn moron. go next door to the liquor store and buy yourself a beef stick.
5. oh, you can't eat cheese? you didn't realize the cheese ravioli had cheese in them? you perceptive sonofabitch! no surprise you lived this long.
6. double dressing on the side? afraid i might under-sauce you, fatty?
7. that's not what you ordered? well it's what you asked for--what you really mean is "i dunt speek IIItalyen"
8. do i have a cocktail menu? do you have ID?
9. you don't see a kids menu? you also, apparently, can't take a hint.
10. you're a twenty-something dining out with twenty or so of your "friends" and you are surprised when i add an 18% service charge. cute. get used to it you cheap fuckers. the world doesn't owe you shit and neither do i.
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